Take These Broken Wings
by VanillaLattes
Summary: Set late season 2, Addison is ready to give up on her marriage but is Derek ready to let her go? Addek.
1. Goodbye My Lover

**Title: **Take These Broken Wings

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing at all...i'm as upset about that as you are.

**A/N** - Ok this is something new for me, its my first attempt at an Addek fic. Its set late season 2...its what i like to think could have happened had Derek not been such a complete and utter manwhore lol.

If you can imagine a world where Derek realises the mistake he is making being with Mer and ignoring poor Addie...then you can imagine the world that i live in. Welcome, i hope you enjoy your visit haha.

Last but by no means least i want to say a huge thankyou to my beta Suz. Not only did she help me with the fic but she also came up with the title...which she tells me is a song my 'mr mister'. What would i do without you? Thank you hon.

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You touched my heart you touched my soul.  
You changed my life and all my goals.  
And love is blind and that I knew when,  
My heart was blinded by you.  
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.  
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.  
I know you well, I know your smell.  
I've been addicted to you.

_**James Blunt, Goodbye My Lover**_

**Chapter 1 – Goodbye My Lover**

Addison stared out of the window watching the rain pour down like crazy. The grey sky outside reflected her mood perfectly. She watched as the water slid down the window pane slowly, her eyes never leaving the droplets but her mind was elsewhere.

It was a habit of hers to over analyze things, Derek was always telling her that she thought too much. No…Derek used to tell her that she thought too much. She couldn't get out of the habit of talking about Derek in the present tense, when she had already decided that they were in the past now. All that was left for her to do was inform him of the decision.

Addison sighed deeply and dragged her eyes away from the rain outside. She reached over and flicked the switch on her desk lamp so the room lit up. She was unsure how long she had been sitting thinking but the room had darkened considerably.

She looked down at the charts on her desk; they were as empty now as when she had first sat down. Addison gathered the papers that were strewn all over the desk in to a neat pile and pushed them in to a draw out of sight. She decided that she wasn't going to get any more work done tonight so she got her coat and headed out of the door.

Addison stepped on to the elevator and leant her head against the cold metal of the wall wearily. She closed her eyes and her thoughts returned to Derek. Suddenly without her even noticing, the doors opened and Derek stepped on to the elevator. Addison opened her mouth to let out a curse at her rotten luck but she managed to close it again just in time.

The look on Derek's face was almost comical as he watched her bang her head off the wall repeatedly. Had she been feeling in a better mood she would have had to laugh.

"Addison? What's wrong?" he questioned her.

"What's wrong? Honestly Derek, the fact that you even need to ask that question tells me that you don't deserve to know the answer," Addison replied shortly.

She had had enough of it. Enough of being the only one in their relationship, if you could call it that, who made any effort at all. Enough of having her heart ripped out of her chest and patched back together again as quickly as possible. She felt the tears well up in her eyes and tried to blink them back furiously.

Derek looked shocked at her outburst and he took a step towards her but Addison stepped away.

"I can't do this right now Derek…in fact I can't do this anymore," Addison said softly.

"Addie, what are you saying? You can't do what anymore? Look you're upset, just calm down and think about this," Derek said as though speaking to a small child.

"Don't tell me to calm down Derek and stop patronising me! You should be happy about this…I'm giving you an out…go be with Meredith," Addison said furiously.

"Addie, come on, we should talk about this. Don't make any rash decisions," Derek said almost pleadingly.

"Fine, you want to talk then talk, I'm listening," Addison turned to look at him while a tear slid down her face. She waited for him to speak but it was silent apart from the rumbling of the elevator.

"Derek, don't you see? There's nothing left to say, "Addison said as she shook her head softly. The elevator grumbled to a halt and the doors pinged open. "I'll stop by the trailer tomorrow to get my stuff. Goodbye Derek," Addison said sadly as she stepped off the elevator.

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Addison drove to the nearest hotel and booked herself in for a few nights. She knew she must look a sight, turning up to a hotel with just the clothes on her back and mascara running down her face. She entered her hotel room and sank down on to the bed as tears overcame her once again.

Had she really just ended her marriage with Derek? Her shoulders shook as she realized the sheer magnitude of what had just happened. She had just severed ties with the love of her life…her husband for 11 years and best friend for even longer than that.

Addison lay down, curled up in the foetal position and cried herself to sleep softly.

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Derek Shepard was angry in a pissed-off, the-whole-world-hates-me-kinda-way. His marriage was officially over leaving him free to pursue the woman he had longed for. But yet…there was something wrong. He felt hollow and empty inside, there was a space in his chest that Addie had always occupied but no longer did.

He shook his head and dragged his thoughts back to the present. Surely the empty feeling would pass when he was back together with Meredith, when things went back to way they were before Addison reappeared in his life.

He tried to focus on the intern standing in front of him.

"Derek? Hello, are you even listening to me?" Meredith asked confused.

"What? Erm, yeah. I'm listening." Derek tried desperately to recall what she had been saying while he was lost in his own thoughts. "Patient…you have a patient right? Ok I'll come along and do a consult now"

"Thanks." Meredith nodded but she still looked confused at his behaviour.

Addison watched the exchange from across the corridor with a sad look on her face. She had woken up that morning determined to make a start getting her life back in order, but her optimism could only take her so far.

Derek had wandered away leaving Meredith standing watching him walk away with a strange look on her face. The scene was so familiar to Addison…how many times had she watched Derek leave. It felt strange to be looking in from the outside, to see herself as other people must have.

"Dr.Grey, can I have a word?" Addison called out.

"Uhmm." To say Meredith looked like a deer caught in the headlights was an understatement. "Okay, Dr.Montgomery-Shepard…"

"Actually I think it will just be Montgomery from now on,"

Meredith looked up at her sharply. Addison sighed at the look of hope on her face.

"What do you mean? You and Der…Dr.Shepard…?" Meredith trailed away in to silence when she noticed the look on Addison's face. "I'm sorry" She muttered quietly.

Addison laughed to herself even though there was nothing remotely funny. The irony of the situation wasn't lost on her.

"Dr.Grey, it's hardly your fault. Look what I wanted to say was that Derek and I are over. He gave up on me a long time ago and I was too foolish to realise it. I see that now…and I'm not prepared to keep up the shambles that we call a marriage any longer. So he's all yours…that's it." She finished.

Out of the corner of her eye she noticed Christina approaching and freezing at the sight of Meredith talking to her. Meredith appeared to be lost in her own thoughts so she nodded to her and then spun around and walked away.

Addison couldn't help but overhear Christina's exclamation of "Mer, what the hell are you doing talking to Satan!" as she walked away. She rolled her eyes at the immaturity of the whole thing.

If she closed her eyes she could easily imagine herself being 13 years old again, wearing her braces and standing alone at the opposite end of the playground to everybody else.

Pulling together every ounce of strength she possessed she kept on walking, pretending that she hadn't heard. Right now she was on damage control…maintaining whatever dignity she had left.

To be continued...

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**A/N - Well thats it for chapter 1. Be kind and please leave a review...it would make me very happy :) Chapter 2 will be up very soon...its all done so you can have it as soon as you want really. **


	2. I Can't Stop This Feeling I've Got

**Suz - **Congratulations you were first :) You want more addek fics? Ok then i will write more for you...of course i have to finish the new A/A first. Haha you are impatient. Thank you for the wonderful review.

**Tna - **Addek safe haven lol thanks for saving me a room. I hope you like this chapter.

**crazy-chica6** - I am glad you like it and of course Addek world is amazing.

**CCke** - I didn't like the way their marriage ended either. In fact i just hate the fact that it ended. Enjoy the Addek.

**Rosy -** Thanks girl and sorry for the long wait. I'm very happy that you like it.

**Claire - **Well you can thank Suz for the amazing title ;) Glad you like it and enjoy this chapter.

**Ladyforg72** - Thanks i hope you love this chapter as well.

**picric drea** - I am very sorry for the delay. I promise chapter 3 will be updated quickly. Thank you for your review.

**Lu78** - I am glad you like it and of course i will continue.

A/N - All i can do is apologise for the the long delay, it was in no way my fault. I have been trying to post this for the last 5 days. At long lsat here is the next chapter i hope you enjoy it.

Oh and of course thanks Suz for beta reading.

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I can't stop this feeling I've got,  
I know who I am and I know what I'm not  
I know where I've been and I know what I've lost  
But I can't stop this feeling I've got

_**Razorlight, I Can't Stop This Feeling I've Got**_

Chapter 2 – I Can't Stop This Feeling I've Got

Addison stopped at the trailer after she finished work to clear out the rest of her belongings. She felt numb as she packed up the last of her things, sorting through all of the stuff and dividing it between herself and Derek. It felt so cold and clinical. In theory it seemed great…just divide everything 50:50. But every item held a memory…it had a story behind it, capable of making her laugh out loud or burst in to tears.

How was she supposed to decide which memories she got to keep and which belonged to Derek? She pushed her emotions aside and forced the memories to the back of her mind. She made quicker work of the things if she looked at them as mere objects with no emotional attachments.

By the time Derek arrived home to the trailer it was considerably emptier than it was when he had left. At first he barely noticed what was missing, but then he began to realise the little things that were no longer there. He jumped in the shower and noticed the flowery scent of her shampoo was gone; her toothbrush which had always stood next to his was missing.

Derek couldn't believe that she had really gone through with it. She had really left him. His mind struggled to catch up with what his eyes were seeing. Derek opened the door to the trailer and went out on to the decking to try and calm himself down. Running a hand through his hair he tried to calm his racing heart. As he looked around at the wilderness that surrounded him, for the first time since he had moved to Seattle he felt truly isolated.

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Addison arrived at the hospital the next day with just one thing in mind. Avoid Derek. She was determined to start over and that meant no more pining over a man who didn't love her.

She avoided the locker room in case he was there and used her office instead. She couldn't help but laugh at what measures she had resorted to in order to stay out of his way.

Addison walked up the stairs to the OB-GYN floor and grabbed a chart from the nurse's station. She flipped it open and started making some notes, waiting for her intern for the day. She saw Alex Karev approaching and closed the chart with a snap.

"You took your time Karev, do you think…" Addison froze mid sentence when she heard Derek's voice getting louder as he got nearer. "Lets…erm…go around here" She darted away from the nurses station and around the next corner out of sight.

Alex looked at her like she had grown two heads but dutifully followed her. "Dr.Montgomery?" He said loudly.

"Shhhh. God Karev, do you have to shout so the whole hospital can hear you?" Addison hissed at him while peering around the corner to see Derek and Meredith stopped talking at the nurse's station.

"What? I wasn't shouting!" Alex said angrily. He sighed when he realised he was talking to himself. Addison was straining to hear what was being said by Derek and wasn't listening to a word he said.

Derek ran a hand through his hair. He looked at the young intern beside him and sighed at the pleading look on her face. All he felt when he looked at her was confusion…where was the spark they used to have? The only thing that stood out in his mind was that she wasn't Addison. Meredith reached out a hand and laced her fingers with his.

"Derek, I don't understand. Addison told me herself that it's over between the two of you, there's nothing to stop us now." Meredith said quietly.

_That's true _Derek thought to himself. There wasn't anything to stop them being together now. So why was he so reluctant to pursue a relationship with her? Images of Addison flashed through his mind, Addison smiling, laughing, crying…Addison clearing her things out of the trailer with tears rolling down her face. Derek felt his heart break in two at the thought.

Addison watched in despair as Derek and Meredith held hands, and felt her heart break as Derek leaned over and placed a kiss on her cheek softly. She felt a lump form in her throat as the last remnant of hope she had been clinging to was shattered before her very eyes.

She felt a tear roll down her cheek and swiped her hand at it angrily. Remembering where she was and who she was standing with she pushed her emotions aside, putting her professional mask firmly back in place.

"Let's go Dr.Karev, we have patients to see." She said, her voice void of any emotion. She spun on her heels and walked away from Derek towards her first patient.

Derek shook his head and looked at Meredith sadly.

"I'm sorry Mer, I really am. I can't do this. Maybe it's just too soon after Addison…but I don't know. Something just doesn't feel right," Derek explained. He leaned over and placed a kiss on her cheek softly.

Meredith stared at him confused for a moment, then turned and left with tears filling her eyes. Derek considered going after her, but what would he say? He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose as he felt a headache starting.

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Addison had a bad day. Looking back as she stopped by her office to pick up her things she realised that in fact the day couldn't have gone worse. As well as witnessing the sickly reunion between Meredith and Derek she had lost a patient, and had more arguments with Karev than she could count.

She walked over to the window and stared out at Seattle laid out before her. For once it wasn't raining but the sky held the promise of more rain to come. She jumped when there was a knock on the door and spun around to see who it was.

Derek knocked cautiously on the door. He was unsure why he was there; he just felt an uncontrollable urge to see her. Addison realised she was gaping at him with her mouth open so she snapped it shut quickly. She was at a loss as to why he was there, shouldn't he be with Meredith? Unless he had come to rub it in…she decided it was safer to wait for him to speak.

The silence dragged on for a eternity as neither one could think of anything to say. Eventually Derek sighed and spoke softly.

"I don't really know why I'm here; I just felt…I don't know."

"Well I don't know either Derek so don't look to me for the answers," Addison said sharply as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"Addie…"

"Stop using the name you called me when we were together…we aren't a couple anymore...so stop to saying my name like it means something to you"

"What changed Addison? Last time I checked we were doing fine and then all of a sudden you spring this on me…and before I know it we're getting divorced." Derek said angrily.

"That's just it Derek! Nothing changed! I thought that you were still missing Meredith and that's why you didn't bother with me…I thought things would get better between us. But it's months later now Derek and nothing has changed. How long did you want me to wait?"

"I don't know Addison. I know I've been a jerk but…I don't want this to be the end of us. This can't be the end…I don't want a divorce."

"It's not always about what you want Derek." Addison yelled.

Addison shivered under the intense stare he was giving her. She felt her cheeks flush, for the first time in a long while it was as though he was looking at her and really seeing her.

Derek couldn't help but stare. Her face was flushed and she was gesturing with her hands. She looked furious and he had never seen anything sexier. Now he remembered why they used to fight so much…between the two of them fighting always lead to other things.

Addison stared back with equal intensity. She cried out in surprise when he darted towards her and pushed her against the wall, holding her wrists above her head. He dipped his head and grabbed her lips between his own. Addison froze as he attacked her lips and pressed his body in to hers. He moved to her neck and nipped at her earlobe.

Addison heard herself moan out loud as she gave up resisting. She melted her body against his and sucked on his bottom lip. Addison couldn't think, couldn't breathe…all she could concentrate on was the scratching of his stubble on her cheek and his lips which were fused to hers.

She felt light-headed with lack of oxygen and pulled her lips from his. He cupped her cheek and rested his forehead against hers. Addison gasped for breath and pulled further away from him, she needed to think and the close proximity was clouding her brain.

The reality of what they were doing crashed down on her and she struggled to stay calm.

"Derek, what the hell was that? What about Meredith?" Addison said, still breathing hard.

"Addison, Meredith and I…we aren't together. I mean, she wanted to but I just couldn't…something stopped me from being with her. I didn't really understand what it was at the time but I do now. It's you. You're the reason, I love you Addie."

"Don't say that Derek! You can't just pick and choose when to love me, you've had me for the last 3 months and you've spent the entire time ignoring me. You can't just take that all back and decide that you love me again now. What about next week? A month down the line? How do I know you won't get sick of me again."

"I won't Addie…please, just trust me." Derek pleaded with her softly.

"I can't Derek, I can't put myself through this again. I don't think my heart can take being broken again and with you seems inevitable that it will get broken. I'm sorry." Addison felt the tears rolling down her cheeks but she ignored them. She grabbed her bag and ran from the room as fast as she could. Leaving Derek standing behind her with a sad look on his face.

To be continued...


	3. I'd Wait For Life

Lu78 - I think this chapter is a bit happier so i hope i don't make you cry lol. Enjoy it!

Tna - Thank you and i totally agree with you there. I would have made him work a lot harder if i had the confidence to write a longer fic. Anyway i hope you like it.

Suz - I don't mind that you weren't first, my fault for posting when you were out :) I agree i think Addison does love Derek no matter what, and she can only resist him for so long hehe.

vdkb8 - Thanks i'm glad you like it. And yeah Addek forever, no matter what i will still ship them :)

picric drea - Thank you very much for your kind words, they are greatly appreciated. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Claire - I am very happy that you like it. Thanks for the review, you know i love your reviews.

Mony19 - I hope you like this, thank you for reviewing the last chapter.

A/N - Right so here is the final chapter. I am sorry if you feel this story is too short, before you get mad i will try to explain myself. This was my first Addek fic and i really didn't feel confident enough to get in to a longer story. So i apologize if you are unhappy with how this plays out. That said i am quite happy with how it turned out so you can expect more from me in the future.

Just a warning that this is rated M for a reason, so don't read if you don't like it. And as always thank you to Suz, your help with this chapter was invaluable.

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There's a voice shouting inside my head  
There's a space on your side of the bed  
There's a hope every time there's a sound  
There's a silence that's playing too loud

_I don't know where to start  
Or how to begin  
But I know I love you still._

**Take That, I'd Wait for Life**

Chapter 3 – I'd Wait For life

Addison hated staying alone at the hotel. She hated sleeping alone in a king-size bed, it served as a reminder of all the nights Derek had failed to come home from the hospital, it made her feel insecure and most of all lonely.

She threw herself in to her work at the hospital in the hope that she could forget her personal problems. All that this achieved was to make her feel cut off from the rest of the world. Derek moped around the hospital with his tail between his legs, and she couldn't help but feel a stab of guilt whenever she saw him.

To make matters worse the other interns had of course discovered that Meredith and Derek had once again been split up. And of course it was all Satan's fault. She maintained a professional relationship with them all but their immature remarks were wearing her down.

After the week from hell Addison entered her hotel room thankful only that it was over. She kicked off her heels and went straight over to the mini bar to pour herself a drink. The alcohol burned her throat as it went down but she welcomed the sensation.

The knock at the door surprised her and she tried to remember if she was expecting anyone. She opened the door and froze when she saw Derek on the other side.

"Can I come in?" He asked softly, giving her a half smile.

Addison debated saying no but in the end she just couldn't bring herself to say it. She opened the door a bit wider and he let out a sigh of relief before entering the room.

"For a minute there I thought you were going to say no."

"For a minute there I was going to say no. What are you doing here Derek?"

"Addison, we can't go on like this. I refuse to accept that this is the end for us…"

"I've told you I can't do this again Derek. I'm not strong enough…I can't put myself out there again only to have it thrown back in my face." Addison replied heatedly.

"It won't be thrown back in your face. I was an idiot…I see that now. I ignored you, I was indifferent towards you and I didn't put you first. But that won't happen again, you're my soulmate, I can't live without you. Please Addison…give us one last chance…I love you"

Derek moved towards her and cupped her face between his palms gently. She locked her gaze with his and couldn't help but lean in to his touch. He leaned in closer towards her mouth so that his lips were millimetres from hers. When she didn't pull away he closed the last remaining space between them.

Addison parted her lips under his and his tongue slipped in to her mouth immediately. She reached her arms around his neck and pressed her body closer to his. Derek grabbed her hips and manoeuvred her backwards towards the bed.

Addison felt her legs hit the back of the bed and fell backwards pulling Derek down on top of her. Addison's heart was beating fast and her head was spinning. She could feel Derek's hands moving on autopilot hitting all the right spots. She didn't know why she let him do this. She didn't know how they ended up on the bed with her lying under him, all she knew that she needed this, and that she wanted this…she wanted Derek…and then there was no room for any more thoughts.

He squeezed her breasts through the fabric of her top, then slid his hands down to the hem and slipped them underneath. He pulled his lips from hers and kissed his way down her neck and collarbone His hands pulled her top up and over her head then immediately went back to her breasts.

Addison moaned at the feel of his cool hands on her heated flesh. She ran her hands through his hair as his head moved lower. Derek dipped his tongue in to the valley between her breasts briefly making her squirm before continuing his journey downwards.

He reached the top of her skirt and went straight for the zipper on the side. She lifted her hips off the bed so he could slide it down her legs and throw it on the floor. Addison groaned when his fingers slid up her inner thighs, stroking everywhere but where she needed them to. He pulled the panties down her legs agonizingly slowly, leaving her laying there in just her bra.

Addison was past the point of caring about how submissive she was being. She didn't care that she was almost naked while Derek was fully dressed, she didn't care about anything other making sure he didn't stop what he was doing.

Derek had no intention of stopping as he moved his head to between her thighs. At the first touch of his tongue on her centre Addison bucked her hips and clamped her legs around his head. Derek pushed her hips back in to the bed to hold her steady as he continued to pleasure her. Her hands pulled on his hair gently as she moaned and held his head in place.

Derek had her on the edge of an orgasm in no time at all. He kept her teetering on the edge until he thought she couldn't take it anymore. He pressed his tongue on to her clit, watching her face in pure awe as she cried out loudly in release.

Addison was panting hard when Derek moved back up her body to capture her lips with his own. She could taste herself on his lips, as she came back down from her high it dawned on her that he was still fully clothed. She used her body weight to flip them over and set to work unbuttoning his shirt, crashing her lips back down on to his.

Addison pushed the shirt off his shoulders and ran her hands over his chest. She teased his nipples and he tried to stifle a groan as she leaned down to kiss him. Addison just gave a mischievous grin and reached her hands down to unbutton his pants.

Derek ran his hands through her hair as she slid his pants and boxer shorts down his legs, revealing his hard member. Derek waited until she moved back up his body before rolling them over so he was back on top. He kissed her passionately and reached down to slip a finger inside of her.

Addison could feel his erection pressed against her thigh and involuntarily thrust her hips against his leg. She sighed when he pushed a second finger in to her but she still wanted more. Derek thrust his fingers a few times to make sure she was ready then positioned himself at her entrance. He could feel her warmth and just the thought of being inside of her made him moan. He entered her, thrusting in to her slowly and holding still so she could adjust.

Addison felt complete when she felt him enter her and wrapped her legs around his waist to pull him deeper. He started thrusting slowly but soon picked up the pace.

Derek pressed his thumb to her clit as his thrusts became more frantic, capturing her groan in his mouth as he kissed her. He felt himself getting closer and he was determined to bring her with him.

Addison moaned his name and thrust her hips wildly as she neared her release. She felt her muscles start to clench around him and cried out as her orgasm took her over. She felt Derek shudder and release himself inside of her. Addison watched as a bead of sweat rolled down his face and dropped on to his shoulder.

He rolled off her and kissed her slowly. Addison felt her eyes drooping tiredly as she smiled at him.

"Mmmm…Derek?"

"Yeah…?"

"You better be here when I wake up in the morning" Addison said as she snuggled closer to him.

"I will I promise…and the morning after that…and next week, next month…I'll still be here. Does this mean that you're giving us another chance?"

"Yeah I guess it does. Try not to screw it up this time, ok?"

"I'll try my best." Derek grinned at her and kissed her softly on the forehead. "Go to sleep Addie, I love you"

"Love you too…" Addison whispered.

She wrapped her arm over his chest and closed her eyes.

The End


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